Through the years, we’ve all had our share of bathroom stories, smells, episodes, odors and sounds. We’ve asked for the courtesy flush, ignored the non-hand-washers, held our breath during the quickest tinkle on record, averted our eyes at the disgusting objects on the floor. We’ve tried to ignore the grunts, the squirts, the blasts of air and the calls for “Oh god.” Still, all of that is part and parcel of a public restroom and we’re used to it.
There’s a new sound in town, folks. It’s mother was a stronger gal back in the 50s. This gal is softer, smoother, but with a tug that would put mom to shame. Yes, girls, welcome to the sound of Spanx in the bathroom. You try to hide it but everyone knows. Maybe it’s just a heavier sound when you tug down your pair of Skinny Britches, and you’re not sure but you have an inkling. But you raise your eyes and nod your head when a Trust Your Thinstincts is around. There’s no denying the many-hued sounds of the removal of that baby. Nope. It’s that slight whisper as your neighbor tries to discreetly tug the straps off her shoulder (’cause no-one can pee through those ridiculous slits in the you-know-where!). Then there’s the rustle of fabric as the top drops to her waist. But here’s where it gets really interesting and your ears are on high alert: the push of the “shorts’ down the legs. It’s never a slide, more a push and tug, and then the sounds of sweet relief because no-one EVER leaves enough time to do this smoothly. In fact, it’s the sheer stress of getting this puppy off that makes you put off doing the deed until it’s almost too late.
Oh wait. Now it’s time to get it all on again. You snicker as you listen to your neighbor try to shrug back into that tallywhacker of a hose job, knowing that she’s got to push her thighs back into place, stretch it around her tummy, and pop her girls back into place. You listen and you laugh. For a moment. ‘Cause in about 30 seconds, it’s your turn. If only she’d get that damn thing on!